Turns out, I’ve become a crappy blogger…

I swear, it’s not you… it’s me. I wish it was you, and not me, but… well… 

Really, I don’t even know where to begin to pick up from where I left off. Too many things to list, too many happenings to attempt to remember, too much stuff and too few brain cells. 

Katie is nearly 12 now, Lily is now 3. It’s been almost a full year since Katie moved to Arizona to live with her mother and I’m still not even close to getting accustomed to the change. Luckily, summer vacation begins for her soon and she’ll be here for two months. Needless to say, I can’t wait. 

At the end of the summer, my world goes back to the usual crazy hectic schedule- sales meetings, travel to Interbike, likely Eurobike before, and then the cyclocross season kicks off and I’ll likely have a role in that now with the new job. Ann and Lily will likely be returning to Taiwan from August until October, since I’ll be gone much of that time as well. Still… the idea of it makes me less than “happy”, though Ann needs time home with her family. Our goal is for me to fly to Taiwan at the end of their stay, then visit with family for a week before returning to the US. August through October look to be a blinding whirlwind. 

At the moment, I’m nursing a groin injury- appears to be a strained sartorius muscle… aka groin pull. I’ve taken a few days off the bike, and have been icing the muscle, along with taking Ibuprofen. Early next week, I’ll be getting the leg worked on (massage therapy). Sadly, even if all goes well, I will miss another week of track racing. But, hopefully the injury will go away and I’ll be able to return to riding without further injury/ issues. 

Work is going exceptionally well and I’m truly blissed out. It’s a very good environment, there are plenty of projects and challenges to keep me occupied, and the overall “team” I work with is pretty awesome too. The FOCUS brand has a lot going for it, and the product is crazy good. The parent company- PON, of the Netherlands- has shown that they have a very long-term and strategic plan for growth and development. That’s obviously good news for us… not as good for our competitors… wink, wink. Honestly, it’s pretty amazing, so please don’t wake me up. 

I know that’s only scratching the surface… but its a start. I’ll try to get better at this blogging thing. Until I do, don’t hesitate to hunt me down on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and all the other blogs I periodically find a way to update. It ain’t like I’ve started being quiet, I just talk in more places these days. 

Tim

Well, THAT was a day…

Just before 2:00PM today, I put Katie on a plane to fly to Arizona and return to her mother, and return to school. After two glorious weeks with her, her winter break finished and she begins school again tomorrow. There were tears shed by us both. She’s such a big girl, rapidly approaching “young woman” status… which truly freaks her father out. It’s practically impossible to believe that at the end of May she’ll be 12. Ugh… 

The day started with a fun walk to breakfast, all four of us, to a corner French restaurant we’ve never tried before- but will be returning to. Everybody enjoyed the food and the family time, then the girls played outside, taking turns skipping rope and chasing each other in front of the apartment- it was beautiful (even if heartbreaking). 

Just past noon, Katie and I headed to the airport, and a shockingly busy one at that! Apparently, the end of school winter break is a super busy travel time. The security line was the longest one I’ve ever seen at any airport, at any time, anywhere in the world. Needless to say, I was worried we’d miss her plane, but it was delayed by 15 minutes and we made it to the gate three minutes before they escorted her onto the plane. 

We live less than two miles from the airport, but it was one of the longest drives I’ve made in a long time. 

After getting home and getting myself back together, I finally kitted up and headed out for a ride. The morning had been rainy, but the sky was blue- even if a bit blustery- so I bolted out the door. Since I’m still fighting off a cold, I kept it kinda short and just headed up the road to La Jolla to turn around. It began to sprinkle again once I got to La Jolla, and after a few minutes of my return trip, I took shelter under a freeway overpass to wait out the rain. Once a lull came and it looked good to go, I headed for home again… only to get hammered with rain nearly the entire way home. I’m not positive, but I think there was some hail in the mix as well because it sure stung! By the time I got home, I was pretty much hypothermic- hands were so numb from the cold that I couldn’t turn the key in the doorknob to get in, my feet had turned completely white by the time I got my shoes off, and when I hopped into the hot shower, the water felt like needles. All in all, I’m sure my cold will be all better by tomorrow morning. 

After thawing out though, we headed to my mom’s for family dinner and to celebrate the birthdays of my step-dad and Ann, my amazing wife. After such an emotionally and physically pounding day, it was great to layer in another round of family time. Family is what ultimately keeps me sane and grounded. I’m blessed to have them… even more blessed that they still keep me around. 

And now… now it’s time for bed. Hopefully a night of sleep for a change.

Tim

2012; out with a cough, sniffle, and a whimper…

2012 is closing out across the globe. Friends in places like Taiwan, Japan, and Australia have already welcomed 2013. Friends across Europe begin to do the same… while I sit here with flu medicine coursing through my veins and mucus flowing from my nose (pretty, I know). This obviously is NOT the way I wanted to end 2012, but in some ways seems relatively fitting. 2012 has been a year of many ups and downs- as they all are, really- and mixed blessings aplenty. 

Spending nearly a full six months of the year without a job, was NOT what I had planned on December 31, 2011. It certainly isn’t my prescribed way to grow your wealth… trust me. But, that six months did provide me with some quality time with my family that I might not have otherwise gotten… and may never get again. When Katie was about a year old, I stayed home for a year with her and it was the best (and hardest) year of my life. I am confident that we are as close as we are today because we had that time together then. Having the time to spend with Lily has been equally gratifying. I am blessed. 

Though we are now further behind in our goal of owning a house, it was the support and trust of my wonderful wife that allowed me the ability to wait for the “right job”, rather than simply taking any of the early offers that came to me simply out of fear. Believe me when I say that I do not deserve this woman- she’s better than me in every conceivable measure. 

Undoubtedly, the biggest heartbreak of the year for me was driving Katie to Arizona at the end of the summer to live with her mother and go to school there. Not a day goes by when she isn’t here that I don’t miss her. Not even one. My daughters are the light of my world, and one of those lights is now a six hour drive away from her father… rather than 15 minutes. The calls and texts are too few. The visits too far apart. But she says that she is happy, and she’s getting all A’s in school. I keep telling myself that “as long as she’s happy”… but it still isn’t easy. Don’t think it’ll ever be “easy”. 

After waiting for the “right job”, I’ve landed in a company that I am proud to work for, with people I am proud to work with. I’ve been relatively lucky over the years to be a part of some great brands- I am sincerely thankful for that. My new home at Focus Bicycles is already one that I hope to be a part of for a very long time. I know that there will be less fun days ahead, lots of work, lots of travel, lots of time away from my family and my bikes… but I’m so eager to get my hands dirty and to roll up my sleeves and make cool stuff happen. One thing I realized during my hiatus is that I do very sincerely love the bike industry. It’s not just what I know best, it’s what I what I love… my motto for years has been “product changes, but passion never does.” I so very truly believe that and I’m just overjoyed that I get to put that passion to work again. 

I’ve got big hopes for 2013. I hope I can live up to those hopes… I’m hopeful. I wish I could poetically address the woes of the nation and the divisiveness of the past election cycle, or speak eloquently of the tragedy in Newtown, CT, or simply address my desires for my own personal growth, etc… but I’m frankly just too wiped out by this flu to be very good with my thoughts and words. I have a lot of things I hope to change, improve, fix, repair, and correct about myself. I have a lot of work to do as a father, husband, friend, and a man. There are lots of things to work on. Lots of things to do and see. Lots of growth to be nurtured. Lots of love to give. 

So, as I pull out the 13,000,000th Kleenex® of the day and blow my nose AGAIN, I wish everybody a very safe, happy, healthy, love-filled 2013. I’m sure I’ll be asleep when midnight arrives, either in bed or on the couch, so consider this my virtual toast to us all. 

2013- great to see you. 2012- don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!

Tim

Hard time to be thankful…

Yesterday was a day in some very real ways I hope to never experience again; the Newtown shootings left a hole in my heart as I struggle to comprehend the madness of the events. In the end, I simply can’t comprehend it. Any of it. 

20 beautiful young lives were stopped far too short. Six adults also had their lives cut short- several while trying to save the loss of more children. The shooter, shot himself and became his own hero- possibly, who knows- but it is clear that he had mental health issues. Shit, any human being who does something like this, has “mental health issues”. No sane person can do what was done in that school yesterday. 

In the aftermath of the shooting, within minutes, the debate began anew over gun control laws and/ or mental health and healthcare issues. The thing is, there is no “one answer” to stop something like this happening again… and no amount of debate is going to restore the lives of those who were killed. 

I do believe that mental health is given short shrift in this country and it is about time that changed. The lack of support and options for the mentally ill is appalling. I’ve read multiple times since the shooting that support exists already for those who seek it. Problem is, the truly sick, rarely ever seek help. Help needs to seek them, and needs to be even easier to find. I know from experience, it’s not as easy as any pundit would think- especially pundits who’ve never witnessed mental illness up close- to find real mental health assistance. 

And, as far as gun control goes, I fully support as many limitations and restrictions as possible. I come from a hunting family in Alabama, where there are many guns in the family. I’ve fired more than a few of them. Some of them really well. But I’ve never known anybody in my family to need to carry extended clips, armor piercing ammunition, and body armor to go deer hunting. I know that the gun lobbyists/ supporters are pointing their bloodstained fingers at the news and reminding us of the recent knife attack in China. But you know what- fuck you. GUNS do kill more people than knives. The NRA can take the 2nd Amendment and shove it up their collective ass. The 2nd Amendment never provided for mass slaughter of children, and the US is nowhere near being threatened by foreign invaders attacking us, a la “Red Dawn”, though I’m sure it’s the wet dream of many gun freaks. 

You need to hunt dinner? Fine- a standard shotgun or rifle will do the job. You don’t need an AR15 with a 50 round clip. You want a handgun to “protect your family” (though most shootings in the home happen with the gun owned by the resident of the home)? Fine. Get a regular handgun with a standard magazine or even a revolver. The old arguments to allow assault rifles or extended magazine and extreme ammunition is simply radicalized bullshit. Period. The shootings in Newtown were done with legally purchased weapons. I hope the NRA chokes on that fact. And when they say “we don’t need MORE laws, we need to enforce the ones we already have”, I hope the entire country stands up and screams “FUCK YOU!” It won’t happen, but it’s my dream. 

The young man who killed 26 people before killing himself had obvious mental health problems. We may never know if he ever attempted to seek help. But we do know that he took two handguns and a lot of ammunition into a school and robbed 26 people of their lives. Had he never had access to those guns, this likely wold not have happened- not that he couldn’t have still attempted something else. But maybe, just maybe, this might not have happened. 

To my friends, family, or anybody else who wants to defend gun rights and gun ownership, I’m sorry, but I’m just not listening anymore. US laws have been too relaxed for too long. The gun lobby and the NRA wield too much power. It’s time for politicians to actually PROTECT the citizens of the country- rather than collecting checks from the NRA. More gun control laws ARE needed. The lies about how we “need” an armed citizenry is simply outdated- by a few hundred years- bullshit. Period. 20 dead children would not have been saved if their teachers were carrying guns either, so you can shut the fuck up with that argument too. MORE armed people does not cut down on gun violence. 

Last night was also our company Christmas party. Our boss, as is annual tradition, hosted us all in his home and we had an incredible catered meal and great conversation together. Scott, our “boss”, gave a short speech and asked for a moment of silence to reflect on the day’s tragic events. It was very fitting and appropriate. We still had a great evening among friends and I felt so lucky to be there- in just my third week in a job I love. There were multiple children at the party- running and playing and giggling with each other. And I kept thinking of the parents/ families of the 20 children who were killed and how their Christmases have now been forever ruined by one man with a broken brain and too many weapons. It was a day and evening of contradictions for me- so much bad counterbalanced with some amazing good. 

Please don’t tell me there are adequate mental health resources for the mentally ill, because there simply isn’t. And please, don’t even begin to rumble to me that more gun control is not the answer. No one step is “the answer”, but limiting access to guns is a great fucking step towards helping improve things. 

Go hug and kiss every single person you love or care about. Tell them you love them. Evil exists in this world and life is very short- especially when evil wants to take it away. Another part of the answer is more love and less hate. So go do what you can to create more love than hate in this world. I know that’s not the only answer either, but it sure is a lot harder to argue about. 

Tim

UPDATED; I’ve joined the #28DaysforNewtown healing movement, and I hope you will too. Create good so that healing can begin for us all. 

Rebirth of the Kool!

In case you missed it, the old Kool-Aid blog is back… and better than ever!

http://bicyclemarketingwatch.wordpress.com/2012/10/28/rebirth-of-the-kool/

I hope you’ll stop by from time to time.