Two Wheels and Half a Brain

Turns out, I've become a crappy blogger...

onlygotasecond — Sat, 18 May 2013 21:35:38 -0700

I swear, it’s not you… it’s me. I wish it was you, and not me, but… well…

Really, I don’t even know where to begin to pick up from where I left off. Too many things to list, too many happenings to attempt to remember, too much stuff and too few brain cells.

Katie is nearly 12 now, Lily is now 3. It’s been almost a full year since Katie moved to Arizona to live with her mother and I’m still not even close to getting accustomed to the change. Luckily, summer vacation begins for her soon and she’ll be here for two months. Needless to say, I can’t wait.

At the end of the summer, my world goes back to the usual crazy hectic schedule- sales meetings, travel to Interbike, likely Eurobike before, and then the cyclocross season kicks off and I’ll likely have a role in that now with the new job. Ann and Lily will likely be returning to Taiwan from August until October, since I’ll be gone much of that time as well. Still… the idea of it makes me less than “happy”, though Ann needs time home with her family. Our goal is for me to fly to Taiwan at the end of their stay, then visit with family for a week before returning to the US. August through October look to be a blinding whirlwind.

At the moment, I’m nursing a groin injury- appears to be a strained sartorius muscle… aka groin pull. I’ve taken a few days off the bike, and have been icing the muscle, along with taking Ibuprofen. Early next week, I’ll be getting the leg worked on (massage therapy). Sadly, even if all goes well, I will miss another week of track racing. But, hopefully the injury will go away and I’ll be able to return to riding without further injury/ issues.

Work is going exceptionally well and I’m truly blissed out. It’s a very good environment, there are plenty of projects and challenges to keep me occupied, and the overall “team” I work with is pretty awesome too. The FOCUS brand has a lot going for it, and the product is crazy good. The parent company- PON, of the Netherlands- has shown that they have a very long-term and strategic plan for growth and development. That’s obviously good news for us… not as good for our competitors… wink, wink. Honestly, it’s pretty amazing, so please don’t wake me up.

I know that’s only scratching the surface… but its a start. I’ll try to get better at this blogging thing. Until I do, don’t hesitate to hunt me down on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and all the other blogs I periodically find a way to update. It ain’t like I’ve started being quiet, I just talk in more places these days.

Tim

Well, THAT was a day...

onlygotasecond — Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:42:30 -0800

Just before 2:00PM today, I put Katie on a plane to fly to Arizona and return to her mother, and return to school. After two glorious weeks with her, her winter break finished and she begins school again tomorrow. There were tears shed by us both. She’s such a big girl, rapidly approaching “young woman” status… which truly freaks her father out. It’s practically impossible to believe that at the end of May she’ll be 12. Ugh…

The day started with a fun walk to breakfast, all four of us, to a corner French restaurant we’ve never tried before- but will be returning to. Everybody enjoyed the food and the family time, then the girls played outside, taking turns skipping rope and chasing each other in front of the apartment- it was beautiful (even if heartbreaking).

Just past noon, Katie and I headed to the airport, and a shockingly busy one at that! Apparently, the end of school winter break is a super busy travel time. The security line was the longest one I’ve ever seen at any airport, at any time, anywhere in the world. Needless to say, I was worried we’d miss her plane, but it was delayed by 15 minutes and we made it to the gate three minutes before they escorted her onto the plane.

We live less than two miles from the airport, but it was one of the longest drives I’ve made in a long time.

After getting home and getting myself back together, I finally kitted up and headed out for a ride. The morning had been rainy, but the sky was blue- even if a bit blustery- so I bolted out the door. Since I’m still fighting off a cold, I kept it kinda short and just headed up the road to La Jolla to turn around. It began to sprinkle again once I got to La Jolla, and after a few minutes of my return trip, I took shelter under a freeway overpass to wait out the rain. Once a lull came and it looked good to go, I headed for home again… only to get hammered with rain nearly the entire way home. I’m not positive, but I think there was some hail in the mix as well because it sure stung! By the time I got home, I was pretty much hypothermic- hands were so numb from the cold that I couldn’t turn the key in the doorknob to get in, my feet had turned completely white by the time I got my shoes off, and when I hopped into the hot shower, the water felt like needles. All in all, I’m sure my cold will be all better by tomorrow morning.

After thawing out though, we headed to my mom’s for family dinner and to celebrate the birthdays of my step-dad and Ann, my amazing wife. After such an emotionally and physically pounding day, it was great to layer in another round of family time. Family is what ultimately keeps me sane and grounded. I’m blessed to have them… even more blessed that they still keep me around.

And now… now it’s time for bed. Hopefully a night of sleep for a change.

Tim

2012; out with a cough, sniffle, and a whimper...

onlygotasecond — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 15:21:48 -0800

2012 is closing out across the globe. Friends in places like Taiwan, Japan, and Australia have already welcomed 2013. Friends across Europe begin to do the same… while I sit here with flu medicine coursing through my veins and mucus flowing from my nose (pretty, I know). This obviously is NOT the way I wanted to end 2012, but in some ways seems relatively fitting. 2012 has been a year of many ups and downs- as they all are, really- and mixed blessings aplenty.

Spending nearly a full six months of the year without a job, was NOT what I had planned on December 31, 2011. It certainly isn’t my prescribed way to grow your wealth… trust me. But, that six months did provide me with some quality time with my family that I might not have otherwise gotten… and may never get again. When Katie was about a year old, I stayed home for a year with her and it was the best (and hardest) year of my life. I am confident that we are as close as we are today because we had that time together then. Having the time to spend with Lily has been equally gratifying. I am blessed.

Though we are now further behind in our goal of owning a house, it was the support and trust of my wonderful wife that allowed me the ability to wait for the “right job”, rather than simply taking any of the early offers that came to me simply out of fear. Believe me when I say that I do not deserve this woman- she’s better than me in every conceivable measure.

Undoubtedly, the biggest heartbreak of the year for me was driving Katie to Arizona at the end of the summer to live with her mother and go to school there. Not a day goes by when she isn’t here that I don’t miss her. Not even one. My daughters are the light of my world, and one of those lights is now a six hour drive away from her father… rather than 15 minutes. The calls and texts are too few. The visits too far apart. But she says that she is happy, and she’s getting all A’s in school. I keep telling myself that “as long as she’s happy”… but it still isn’t easy. Don’t think it’ll ever be “easy”.

After waiting for the “right job”, I’ve landed in a company that I am proud to work for, with people I am proud to work with. I’ve been relatively lucky over the years to be a part of some great brands- I am sincerely thankful for that. My new home at Focus Bicycles is already one that I hope to be a part of for a very long time. I know that there will be less fun days ahead, lots of work, lots of travel, lots of time away from my family and my bikes… but I’m so eager to get my hands dirty and to roll up my sleeves and make cool stuff happen. One thing I realized during my hiatus is that I do very sincerely love the bike industry. It’s not just what I know best, it’s what I what I love… my motto for years has been “product changes, but passion never does.” I so very truly believe that and I’m just overjoyed that I get to put that passion to work again.

I’ve got big hopes for 2013. I hope I can live up to those hopes… I’m hopeful. I wish I could poetically address the woes of the nation and the divisiveness of the past election cycle, or speak eloquently of the tragedy in Newtown, CT, or simply address my desires for my own personal growth, etc… but I’m frankly just too wiped out by this flu to be very good with my thoughts and words. I have a lot of things I hope to change, improve, fix, repair, and correct about myself. I have a lot of work to do as a father, husband, friend, and a man. There are lots of things to work on. Lots of things to do and see. Lots of growth to be nurtured. Lots of love to give.

So, as I pull out the 13,000,000th Kleenex® of the day and blow my nose AGAIN, I wish everybody a very safe, happy, healthy, love-filled 2013. I’m sure I’ll be asleep when midnight arrives, either in bed or on the couch, so consider this my virtual toast to us all.

2013- great to see you. 2012- don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!

Tim

Hard time to be thankful...

onlygotasecond — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 22:10:00 -0800

Yesterday was a day in some very real ways I hope to never experience again; the Newtown shootings left a hole in my heart as I struggle to comprehend the madness of the events. In the end, I simply can’t comprehend it. Any of it.

20 beautiful young lives were stopped far too short. Six adults also had their lives cut short- several while trying to save the loss of more children. The shooter, shot himself and became his own hero- possibly, who knows- but it is clear that he had mental health issues. Shit, any human being who does something like this, has “mental health issues”. No sane person can do what was done in that school yesterday.

In the aftermath of the shooting, within minutes, the debate began anew over gun control laws and/ or mental health and healthcare issues. The thing is, there is no “one answer” to stop something like this happening again… and no amount of debate is going to restore the lives of those who were killed.

I do believe that mental health is given short shrift in this country and it is about time that changed. The lack of support and options for the mentally ill is appalling. I’ve read multiple times since the shooting that support exists already for those who seek it. Problem is, the truly sick, rarely ever seek help. Help needs to seek them, and needs to be even easier to find. I know from experience, it’s not as easy as any pundit would think- especially pundits who’ve never witnessed mental illness up close- to find real mental health assistance.

And, as far as gun control goes, I fully support as many limitations and restrictions as possible. I come from a hunting family in Alabama, where there are many guns in the family. I’ve fired more than a few of them. Some of them really well. But I’ve never known anybody in my family to need to carry extended clips, armor piercing ammunition, and body armor to go deer hunting. I know that the gun lobbyists/ supporters are pointing their bloodstained fingers at the news and reminding us of the recent knife attack in China. But you know what- fuck you. GUNS do kill more people than knives. The NRA can take the 2nd Amendment and shove it up their collective ass. The 2nd Amendment never provided for mass slaughter of children, and the US is nowhere near being threatened by foreign invaders attacking us, a la “Red Dawn”, though I’m sure it’s the wet dream of many gun freaks.

You need to hunt dinner? Fine- a standard shotgun or rifle will do the job. You don’t need an AR15 with a 50 round clip. You want a handgun to “protect your family” (though most shootings in the home happen with the gun owned by the resident of the home)? Fine. Get a regular handgun with a standard magazine or even a revolver. The old arguments to allow assault rifles or extended magazine and extreme ammunition is simply radicalized bullshit. Period. The shootings in Newtown were done with legally purchased weapons. I hope the NRA chokes on that fact. And when they say “we don’t need MORE laws, we need to enforce the ones we already have”, I hope the entire country stands up and screams “FUCK YOU!” It won’t happen, but it’s my dream.

The young man who killed 26 people before killing himself had obvious mental health problems. We may never know if he ever attempted to seek help. But we do know that he took two handguns and a lot of ammunition into a school and robbed 26 people of their lives. Had he never had access to those guns, this likely wold not have happened- not that he couldn’t have still attempted something else. But maybe, just maybe, this might not have happened.

To my friends, family, or anybody else who wants to defend gun rights and gun ownership, I’m sorry, but I’m just not listening anymore. US laws have been too relaxed for too long. The gun lobby and the NRA wield too much power. It’s time for politicians to actually PROTECT the citizens of the country- rather than collecting checks from the NRA. More gun control laws ARE needed. The lies about how we “need” an armed citizenry is simply outdated- by a few hundred years- bullshit. Period. 20 dead children would not have been saved if their teachers were carrying guns either, so you can shut the fuck up with that argument too. MORE armed people does not cut down on gun violence.

Last night was also our company Christmas party. Our boss, as is annual tradition, hosted us all in his home and we had an incredible catered meal and great conversation together. Scott, our “boss”, gave a short speech and asked for a moment of silence to reflect on the day’s tragic events. It was very fitting and appropriate. We still had a great evening among friends and I felt so lucky to be there- in just my third week in a job I love. There were multiple children at the party- running and playing and giggling with each other. And I kept thinking of the parents/ families of the 20 children who were killed and how their Christmases have now been forever ruined by one man with a broken brain and too many weapons. It was a day and evening of contradictions for me- so much bad counterbalanced with some amazing good.

Please don’t tell me there are adequate mental health resources for the mentally ill, because there simply isn’t. And please, don’t even begin to rumble to me that more gun control is not the answer. No one step is “the answer”, but limiting access to guns is a great fucking step towards helping improve things.

Go hug and kiss every single person you love or care about. Tell them you love them. Evil exists in this world and life is very short- especially when evil wants to take it away. Another part of the answer is more love and less hate. So go do what you can to create more love than hate in this world. I know that’s not the only answer either, but it sure is a lot harder to argue about.

Tim

UPDATED; I’ve joined the #28DaysforNewtown healing movement, and I hope you will too. Create good so that healing can begin for us all.

It's been a great ride so far!

onlygotasecond — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 20:33:51 -0800

It’s been two weeks in the new job as Marketing Manager for Focus Bicycles USA… and I’m still totally blissed out! I admit that being without a job for 6 months had it’s moments of “fun”, but it sure feels good to be “back in the saddle” and officially participating again. Focus works with some amazing athletes and teams, as well as has amazing products (biased, yes), and I get to be involved with it all… and it rocks!

The weekend after my first week, I drove up to LA for the last day of the Los Angeles leg of the SoCal Cross Cup. Rain, mud, and great racing provided an awesome baptism into the job… and I loved it. Team Rapha-Focus riders Chris Jones made the podium in 4th in the men’s race and Julie Krazniak had an excellent ride for 2nd in the women’s race (before heading off to get married to Rapha’s own Jeremy Dunn). I had a blast posting pictures and updates while running around the course and shaking hands with friends along the way. Yes, I love this job!

The new-to-me 2003 Jetta GLS wagon has been a dream as well, so far. I don’t wanna jnx anything, given my luck with cars… but it’s a great car so far and I hope it stays that way. New roof racks are on the way- thanks to the help of friends at Thule- and I’ll soon be a full-on Bike Nerd™®© (MMXII all rights reserved)! Bought myself a Chliton’s repair manual for the car today… luckily it has lots of pictures in it because car repair might as well be ancient Greek, as far as I am concerned. That said, I look forward to being able to perform a few small repairs and minor maintenance on my own (I hope). Those who know me well have likely already blown whatever they were drinking onto to their computer screens, via their noses, with laughter. To you, I say, SHUT UP!

Six months with no job, leading in to Christmas, means things are tight and the holiday season is a little less “joyous” in material ways, but I am still incredibly thankful and happy. We don’t have a lot, but we have blessings… and they mean the world to me. Yesterday was the Campagnolo Toy Drive ride, benefiting the Rady Children’s Hospital. The event is a highlight for me each year, and this year was no different… other than it felt even better to be involved this year. It’s not like I donated tons of toys, but it felt so good to drop off stuffed animals that I can imagine being hugged tightly on Christmas day… and that feels mighty damn good.

This Friday night is our company Christmas party. It’ll be the last day of my 3rd week on the job. I feel kinda giddy about it. Nearly everybody I work with has been a friend of mine for years, but this marks the first time I’ve officially celebrated the holidays with any of them… and I really hope it’s far from being the last one.

Tim

BIG NEWS: Going back to work!

onlygotasecond — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 21:46:49 -0800

The ink is literally still drying- well, maybe it’s already dry- but I am SUPER pleased to announce (even before the press release lands) that I will begin my new role as the Marketing Manager for Focus Bicycles USA on Monday!

I’ve been watching the Focus brand since the first time I saw them at Eurobike, years ago. I’d heard of the brand, but never seen it before and was floored by the breadth of the brand even then. The bikes had awesome graphics, clean lines, and were clearly strong technically as well. Fast forward several years and they came to the US… and then they really caught my attention, as I was now competing with them!

I say this without my new Focusguy marketing hat on- the brand is impressive and has incredible depth. Road, tri, cross, MTB, lifestyle/ commuter, and even e-bikes… they cover it all. And well. As much of a race nerd as I am, I’m really excited to get to help Focus with the other categories in the product line, especially the e-bikes and commuter bikes. I have always been a huge proponent of bikes as a part of everyday life, so I can’t wait to help spread that word while also telling the stories of all of “our” incredible teams and athletes.

Those of you who know me, know that I’m very passionate about cycling and the cycling industry. I hope that I can use that passion to really help grow the Focus brand. I’m excited to put my storytelling skills to work for the brand… and even more excited to work with everybody at Focus. I’ve known nearly every person in the US office for years and now I get to call them coworkers, as well as friends.

So as of Monday, my lunch rides will actually BE rides at lunch. And you can expect Focus to start making a whole lot more noise… because you know I never shut up.

Here’s to the next chapter of awesometasticness. Thanksgiving just took on a lot more significance this year.

Tim

Staring down a bout of writer’s block; time to kick some...

onlygotasecond — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 22:33:48 -0700

Staring down a bout of writer’s block; time to kick some words around and hope they don’t kick back too hard.

Not a particularly ugly day to be outside.

onlygotasecond — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 14:29:33 -0700

Not a particularly ugly day to be outside.

My nephew Nolen is 9 now… that was fast! Lily is...

onlygotasecond — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 16:04:24 -0700

My nephew Nolen is 9 now… that was fast!

Lily is impressed. Well, sorta.

Rebirth of the Kool!

onlygotasecond — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 00:59:55 -0700

In case you missed it, the old Kool-Aid blog is back… and better than ever!

http://bicyclemarketingwatch.wordpress.com/2012/10/28/rebirth-of-the-kool/

I hope you’ll stop by from time to time.

The UCI and Lance Armstrong; blood on their hands, not just in bags.

onlygotasecond — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 09:16:03 -0700

Ok, so the UCI did part of what they needed to do; they agreed with USADA’s decisions and upheld their suggested sanctions on Lance, as well as the sanctions on the riders who confessed and provided testimony. Good job.

But that is where they stopped and left us all with a giant flaming bag of crap.

Not only did the UCI continue to ignore their A) woefully inept leadership and/ or B) complicity in allowing doping to grow and survive, they continue to defend their “record”… as if there is anything within that record to be even remotely proud of.

On top of that heaping helping of crap, McQuaid- in defending himself and Hein Vebruggen- goes so far as to lay the blame at the feet of the riders;

“What annoys me is that the athletes are the ones who should show some responsibility. They’re the ones who take the decision to stick a needle in their arms and for them to pass that responsibility onto the governing body is wrong.”

Yes, the riders are the ones who ultimately put drugs in their bodies, or had it put in them/ allowed it to be put into them, but the UCI is completely to blame for allowing the problem to exist and grow… or being complicit in it… as the sport grew and made more money.

The UCI and the sport will never regain any level of credibility when the regime that lead the sport during its darkest hour remains intact and untouched… with nary a whiff of atonement. Nothing.

In the end, as much as Lance really is a villain in all of this, he and the riders who testified- and those who have been caught in the fallout since- as well as Johan Bruyneel and the dope doctors, are the sacrificial lambs to the slaughter. The UCI remains intact and untouched- for now. McQuaid still defends the UCI’s defamation suit against Paul Kimmage, further attempting to squash dissent.

So far, cycling continues to lose and the UCI continues to be the ones defeating it. The time for massive change in the way the sport is governed is not now- it was over a decade ago. Here we are; those of us who love the sport, made to look like fools.

Where do we go from here? Well, donate money to the Kimmage defense fund, for starters. Write letters/ emails to your national governing body and tell them you want them to demand a change at the top of the sport. Tell your friends who ride, and care about the sport, to do the same! Grassroots racing is alive and well, and hopefully always will be. Support a local club, racer, event… get your hands dirty and keep your blood clean. Our sport is so wonderful and beautiful. We deserve better from the leaders at the top. Anything less than real leadership and the removal of Pat McQuaid and Hein Vebruggen is intolerable.

Tim

Hubris has a name; Lance Armstrong

onlygotasecond — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 11:26:00 -0700

As the cycling world continues to digest the depth and severity of the doping conspiracy charges against Lance Armstrong and others, I find myself bitterly biting my tongue at times… even while obviously offering my commentary here and there (if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you’ve read my rants already).

I’ve tried to stay civil and I’ve tried to remain as objective as I can. It’s been very difficult to do, believe me. There are so many very confusing and troubling thoughts and emotions swirling within me. It’s very easy to simply turn away and say, “it really doesn’t matter because I still love cycling and Lance owes me nothing.” But… and there’s always a “but”… it still bothers me because I love cycling and right now it is being beaten to pulp, and that pisses me off.

It’s a mess, of huge proportions;

I’m in support of the riders who testified or gave affidavits. I thank them for what they finally chose to do, by finally telling the truth. I’ve met some of them and they’re decent people. I have no issue with them, but they are not “heroes” saving cycling from the clutches of doping. They are saving THEIR asses and attempting to cover up the fact they agreed to dope, rather than saying “no”. They are only sharing their past because they were subpoenaed and/ or ratted out by others. None of the riders like Zabriskie, Vande Velde, Danielson, or Leipheimer walked into the USADA office on their own and offered the truth. Nor did they do it after 2006 when most of them say they stopped doping and decided to make a “change”. I don’t have any desire to see these guys run out of town on a rail, but for Christ’s sake… let’s stop blowing sunshine up their asses calling them heroes. The Andreu’s, they might get hero status because they spoke up early and fought against the attack machine of Armstrong. Plus, these guys took money out of the pockets of my friends who race/raced clean as pros- and that sucks. Who knows, maybe they even took money out of my pocket. I chased the dream for years, believing I was good enough to be a pro, but I realized I wasn’t fast enough to keep up… or would I have been if I doped, or they didn’t?
The UCI, at best was catastrophically incompetent, but at worst complicit in the doping culture of the time outlined in the charges. UCI has done so much to damage the image of the sport over the years. Fighting with teams, riders, and manufacturers over race radios, bike positions, “UCI Approved” stickers, the use of compression socks in competition, etc, etc… but has done so little to truly fight doping, and may have actually helped fuel it! The top of the organization needs to be removed- today- and a new and credible leadership needs to be put in place. The sport’s image can no longer take the mishandling of the UCI, or it will not survive at the highest level.
The pursuit of Lance and his offenses ruffles lots of feathers. And it should. USADA pursued him with zeal and handled the “PR” of the proceedings poorly. The job that USADA did in putting together the actual case was good and needed for the sport to get back a credible reputation, but the “handling” of the case was less than perfect. In the end, nobody- USADA, UCI, Lance- looks good.
Lance… oh boy. Loaded subject. Toxic… even “cancerous”. Lance is, after all, a human. He made mistakes and poor choices- which are now being exposed. He has also done a lot to bring great and needed attention, funding, and support to cancer victims, survivors, and their families. Having lost people I really love to cancer and having lived with it in my daily life in a previous marriage, I am hugely in favor of the work done by Livestrong. BUT… that does NOT absolve Lance from his past, nor does it make him a saint who is “too big to fail”. The truth hurts, and karma is a bitch. Can we separate Lance the doper from Lance the cancer advocate? I can. I think we all should. He didn’t commit murder, that we know of, so we can allow ourselves to let Liverstrong do what it does- with or without Lance’s ill-gotten cycling accomplishments. Lance did bad things, but he’s been doing good things too… let both stand on their own merits.

But here’s where the cart goes off the track for me and I actually get even more pissed…

Cycling is “my” sport. I got involved in cycling in 1982. The cycling industry has been my home for nearly that entire time as well. I started working in a small shop in Fairhope, AL and exchanged my labor (and passion) for my first real race bike. I’ve worked in multiple shops, worked for multiple companies within the industry, and I’ve raced and ridden my bike for nearly all of the past 30 years- and all over the world. Cycling has blessed me with SO much. And it’s taking a kick in the ~~balls~~ ball right now. That makes me mad.

Cycling has done more to eradicate doping than any other sport in the world. Riders typically get long suspensions, and even lifetime bans from the sport. That does not happen anywhere else in the sporting world of traditional “stick and ball” sports. Baseball? Maybe a few games of suspension. Lifetime bans? Only Pete Rose for gambling on the sport! Soccer? Please… Yet cycling is considered the world’s dirtiest sport?

I want this investigation and the fallout to cause real and significant permanent change in the sport. The UCI needs to be bulldozed to the ground and rebuilt, at the same time that the peloton is being gutted. In the end, I want the aftermath to be a clean sport with universal credibility. I want the non-cycling fan to know the sport is cleaner than the others. I want dopers of the future to get lifetime bans and teams that support any level of doping to lose their licenses to compete… permanently.

A couple nights ago, Lance tweeted this;

“unaffected”

Really? No.. REALLY? WTF, you asshole. MY sport, that I have given so much to and gotten so much from is getting abused because of you- not to mention all of your former teammates and the fallout on people YOU know and called “friends” or “teammates” who helped you get where you are? Really? You are “unaffected”? That must be really fucking great. I’m not “unaffected”. The industry I work in is getting beaten up by the negative press, my sport is vilified, and people I know are wondering if their team is going to exist next year so that they will get a (small) paycheck next season because sponsors are leaving the sport. You’re “unaffected”? Also, shithead, for the record you meant to say uneffected. “Unaffected” means “unpretentious, as a personality or literary style.” And we all know this certainly does not apply to you.

Lance, keep fighting the cancer fight because you’re good at it. But please, just shut the fuck up- unless you’re actually going to man up with that one gigantic ball of yours and confess- and let cycling rebuild without you. Please? Just go the fuck away. Stop tweeting about how proud you are of your accomplishments and how you’re “unaffected”. Go spend time with your kids- who I can not imagine how you can look in the eyes right now- and heal your soul somehow. I don’t know how that works in this case, but I’m just not mad enough to want you to be hollow and soulless any longer. I wish you luck… but please go away from cycling. You’ve already stated time and again that you’re “over it.” Good… then it should be easy for you to leave us alone. Those of us who are NOT “over it” would like to rebuild our sport without your long and ugly shadow over it.

I never finished your first book- “It’s Not About the Bike”- and now it’s going in the trash. You were right, it wasn’t about the bike at all- it was about you and cheating to get what YOU wanted. Well… enjoy your vacation.

Tim

The light is golden now, and the air is beginning to have that...

onlygotasecond — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 17:47:10 -0700

The light is golden now, and the air is beginning to have that slight nip of cool to it. It’s autumn in SoCal. We might not have a real changing of seasons- which I sincerely lament every year- but it is still beautiful here in its own way.

The incredible journey...

onlygotasecond — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 22:10:03 -0700

I’m long overdue for an update on things here… and I doubt I’ll remember all the things I should mention or cover, but… we get what we get, you and I.

It’s been a while since the last post here. I left off after driving Katie to Arizona to live with her mother and go to school there. I won’t go into the details of personal drama, but it’s remained something very hard for me to come to terms with in many ways. She’s been “home” to visit once already, for barely 48hrs over a weekend, and is due back in a few weeks for a full week. I get text messages from her most mornings as she hops on the bus to school- “I love you Daddy, talk to you later”. Tonight, we spoke on Skype for over an hour, via video call, and I helped her with her math homework… tedious from a distance, but still something that made my heart more content than I can explain here.

The summer here has been unusually hot. Last week was tempered with actual Fall-like weather finally. Now we’re in the midst of yet another heatwave topping out over 100˚. Luckily this particular heatwave is supposed to be done this week… thankfully! Heat or not, this has been the first summer in YEARS that I’ve had any time off from work. Spending a week in Utah for DealerCamp, in July was one major highlight. I had an amazing time there working as the event’s Brand Ambassador. I truly believe in the model they have created with the event and am hoping to see their growth continue.

Another plus of the summer “vacation” has been actually riding my bike. It’s not like I’ve suddenly gone back to riding 4-6hrs a day. Far from it- I still maintain a “work schedule” and generally only ride 1-2hrs, but I do allow myself the occasional 4hr ride up the coast for lunch/ coffee with friends… and don’t feel guilty for it. I haven’t become a monster on the bike, smashing everybody in the races. I’m still about where I was last season- maybe slightly fitter- but it’s been SO nice to ride my bike with a slightly reduced amount of urgency. What’s nice about knowing I’ll ride tomorrow, is being able to say “I don’t need to ride today”. There’s not that fear that if I skip a ride, I’ll suddenly be “in the hole” with my riding and fitness… THAT feels like a luxury I have not had in a very long time.

The other major highlight of the summer was the recent Interbike in Las Vegas. I’ve been in the bike industry since my first bike shop “job” in 1982, and this was the very first time I went to the show (or any cycling trade event) without an agenda, list of meetings, presentations to give or sit through, or anywhere I had to be. I can not begin to explain how wonderful it was. Sure, it was a little weird to be adrift in the ocean without an island to land my boat, but… it was also a dream come true. I wish I could tell you about all the awesome new products that were being shown under bright lights and shiny displays, but I don’t think I walked into more than two booths in 4 days. What did I do with all my time? I enjoyed myself and did something I have not done during the show- EVER- and chatted leisurely with each and every friend I ran into. I got to talk for hours at a time in the aisles, without a care in the world. It didn’t matter who I talked to, it didn’t matter where I was standing… nobody was going to report back to my bosses and question why I was talking to “that guy/ girl” from “that company”. It’s not that I didn’t have a number of very positive “business” conversations… I had FAR more of them than I went to Vegas expecting. But most of all, I reconnected with friends… and still woefully missed many, many more of them.

During the event, I was able to make it onto the set of the Media Center and participate in both of the live Spokesmen shows. I’m super proud to be a part of this eclectic and goofy group. It’s pretty awesome to lend my voice to this panel of people I have a lot of respect for- even when we disagree (which makes for some great shows). I think I’ve missed all of the Interbike shows for the past 2yrs, or at least all but one. It was great to make the shows without sprinting out of the booth and across the show floor for a change!

Now, as the summer is officially over- though you can’t tell from the heat- I am bracing myself for when I return to full-time work and the “party” is over. Track racing is done for the year. “Offseason” is arriving and the winter of my discontent is about to begin… weight training and general “base building”. The old racer in me still has this desire and urge to make plans for the next season of racing and is setting goals and trying to plan a winter of proper training. Every year since about 1996, I’ve said to myself “this was the last year of racing”… but I’ve learned that I’m only lying to myself while licking my wounds from a hard season of getting my ass handed to me by all the younger guys- and a few older ones- at the races. But the itch remains. Maybe after I’ve won a State, National, and World medal (or several), I’ll finally be willing to “retire”… but I kinda doubt it. Racing remains something that I simply can’t find a way to quit. I admit I’m not trying very hard though… and hope I don’t find the reason to.

Now… I’m gonna try to fall back into a regular schedule of blogging again… I swear. I mean it “this time”. No really… I mean it. I hope.

Tim

'Ah yes, the stench of double standards...' massive assumptions in this, it think you need to go do your research on GB and our attitudes before you go essentially accusing us of being racist.

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 17:03:43 -0700

Sorry “anonymous”, but I don’t have a clue what you’re accusing me of. Admittedly, I’m not terribly smart. Maybe come out of hiding and state your actual concern.

Katie's 1st day of school in Arizona...

onlygotasecond — Wed, 08 Aug 2012 09:25:55 -0700

I was awakened this morning by excited texts from Katie as she was preparing for her first day of school in AZ. “Ready Freddy” was the first excited message.

Not long after, I asked her mother to please let me know how the day actually went and to please send some pictures…

Rolling her eyes… as always… in the new school uniform.

I know that smile and those eyes- she’s happy and excited.

Waiting for her first ever school bus ride to school. According to her mother, “She just got on the school bus, she was smiling ear to ear.”

She’s such a “big girl” now… and though my heart is constantly breaking, I’m tremendously proud of her courage and spirit. She’s gonna go a lot farther in life than I ever dreamed I could, and that makes me immensely happy.

Tim

A father's heavy heart...

onlygotasecond — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 10:09:15 -0700

Yesterday was easily among the hardest and most emotionally “challenging” days of my life and one of the most significant milestones in my life as a parent. Katie and I drove to Scottsdale, Arizona so that she can live there with her mother and go to school… away from me for the very first time in her life.

My ex-wife’s husband was required to relocate recently to AZ for his work. Initially, the plan was that Katie would stay here in San Diego and continue to go to school- her choice- since she has only ever gone to one school since kindergarten. However, after going with her mother to Scottsdale to move into the new house there- which is beautiful- Katie decided that she wanted to give life and school in AZ with her mother a try.

I can rationalize all the myriad reasons why she would want to stay in Scottsdale; new house, her own new room with new furniture and freshly painted walls, a swimming pool, neighbors with horses, no little sister to share a room with or fight off of her things, she’s 11 going on 20 and needs her mother for guidance into womanhood, she’s much braver than me and change never scares her, etc, etc, etc… All of those things make sense and after talking to Katie several times, asking “is that what you really want to do”, I very reluctantly agreed to allow her to try life in AZ with her mother. There are no words to describe the void I feel right now… none.

So, I rented a convertible (Mustang) and Katie and I drove alone to Scottsdale yesterday morning. We packed the back of the car with the things she wanted to take from her room here and we headed off into the heat with the top down. We plugged in the iPod, and as we have since she was less than 2yrs old, we listened to music together. She will, after all, remain the same little girl strapped into her car seat when she was just under two, bobbing her hear to the beat of “Seven Nation Army”, proclaiming to me, “Daddy, I’m rocking out!”

The departure from home was emotional; Lily doesn’t yet understand what is happening and just thinks Katie is leaving to go to school for the day. Katie fought back tears as we headed out. Thank God I had my sunglasses to hide behind.

We stopped in the Imperial Valley, El Centro, to grab a quick breakfast… and it was already almost 100˚ at 9:30 in the morning. By the time we stopped for gas in Yuma, the top went back up on the convertible and AC came on, since it was already 104˚. We got into Scottsdale and to the new house around 2:30, as planned, and I helped unload Katie and got to see her new home with my own eyes- I needed to see her new home and know she was going to be alright. She was giddy as she bounced about showing me things. Once we were done unloading, we headed to see the new school- which Katie was also seeing for the first time. The school is new and very modern and a successful to one of the best high schools in the state. We toured the school on our own, exploring her new community. We met two of her new teachers, who were very welcoming and sensitive to her status as “new kid”- both of them making an effort to speak with her and remember her name. (Today is an open-house, back to school event, so she will be getting her class schedule this evening- and she’s very excited.)

Katie was very excited to see the new school, meet a few teachers, and see her new world unfolding in front of her- a smile on her face the entire time. I fought back tears the entire time, feeling my grasp on her slip more and more, but was relieved to see no fear in her eyes. We went back to her house and had another moment alone in her room before I headed back to the car to drive home… another 6hrs of windshield time in the heat.

The new school…

Pulling out of their driveway and pointing the car away from my daughter was unbearably painful. Once I got around the corner and out of sight, I needed a moment to wipe my eyes again. I could tell it was going to be a very long drive home alone… no Punkin sitting beside me for company, smiles, and hugs.

The drive home was a blur of headlights and splatted bugs on the windshield. I stopped a few times for more caffeine and gas. The evening heat meant that the top went back up after I just couldn’t take it anymore. When the top was down, the night sky was ablaze with countless stars and distant lightning. I kept the music loud, but the thoughts in my head were louder. I eventually got home just before 1:00AM, thanks to the extra 2hr delay caused by traffic in AZ behind a fire-engulfed motorhome.

Ann and Lily were actually awake when I walked in, because Lily woke up from coughing because of her cold. I shared many of the details of the trip with Ann and then we all went to bed- though I needed a cold sake to help take the edge off the caffeine first.

I came home to two people I love beyond measure, and I am blessed to be able to do so. A third of my heart now lives in Scottsdale and I can’t wait for her to come home and tell stories about her new world. I want her to be happy. I don’t want her to be sitting in AZ crying and missing her family and friends. As her father, I want her to always be filled with happiness. But, of course, I also secretly hope that she decides it’s too hot in Scottsdale and she decides to move back soon too. I’m still not ready for this change and I might never be.

For now, I’m going to nag the hell out of her from a distance while I do all I can to be the best father and husband to the two wonderful people I live with. Wonderfully, Katie’s older brother, my step-son from my previous marriage, now lives very nearby and I will get to see him more often again… and I love and miss him too.

Life is full of ebbs and flow, changes and beginnings, losses and gains. I’m still choking on tears and trying to be more at peace with this new change, but I recognize my blessings and Katie still loves me and I still love her. We had several teary conversations before the drive to AZ and we embraced a lot. I am committed to doing all I can to remain in her life and be a father… it’s just going to be a different dynamic than it has previously been. After all, she’s only one state away, not a continent. (I’m really looking for ways to be positive.)

My Punkin is a big, brave, beautiful ~~child~~… I mean young woman. Daddy’s gonna need some time to adjust to this new reality, but he’ll get there… and so will I.

Tim
(I’d proofread this before publishing normally, but I can’t this time.)

Ah yes, the stench of double standards...

onlygotasecond — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 10:22:12 -0700

Welcome to the 2012 London Olympics. The glory, beauty, and spectacle of the world’s greatest athletes on the world’s biggest stage…

And what would sport be without drama and controversy? Missed shots, bad calls by officials, bad behavior by athletes… human drama at its finest!

Sport is often intriguing enough on its own, but when you layer in all the other elements that can make it even more exciting, it’s truly worth the 4 year wait between each Olympic games!

Earlier this week, 8 badminton players- including the #1 ranked doubles team in the world- were ejected from the Olympics for violating “the spirit of the games”, for attempting to lose matches so that they would face weaker opponents in following rounds. There was an instant uproar of commentary and public dialog about the obscenity of the actions of the players. Throwing a match, simply so that they could have easier following rounds on their way to the finals, was called a despicable act of sporting cowardice. Oh, the humanity! So, eight Asian women were sent home from the Games in shame for their actions. Dignity was again restored to the Olympics and the host nation could again feel proud as stewards of honor.

Skip forward just a few days to the track cycling events, where the host nation is a clear favorite in many events. During the opening day’s events, Team GB’s men’s Olympic Sprint squad set about doing what they do best- go really damn fast! Like a well-oiled (and funded) machine, Team GB- Sir Chris Hoy, Jason Kenny, and Philip Hindes- decimated the field on their way to the gold medal, while setting TWO new world records (defeating the French team in the final).

Unfortunately, the road to gold was paved with a bit of controversy; after a wobbly and slower start against the Germans, GB starter Philip Hindes appeared to slip his rear wheel and crash. His two teammates immediately went to the race officials and appealed for a restart- which was within the “rules” and allowed. In the following re-ride, GB defeated the Germans and set their first new world record of the day. An apparent accidental fall and potential end of Olympic gold dreams, resulted in a world record and cleared the path to a finals ride against the French. God save the Queen!

Hang on a tic… German born 19yr old starter Philip Hindes, confessed publicly after the fact that he intentionally crashed to get the restart and secure the fastest possible ride. He even stated that it had been pre-planned that if the team got off to a poor start- which is super critical in the team sprint- that “somebody” would have to crash and secure the restart. He claimed that several scenarios had been discussed among the riders, and presumably coaching staff. Very savvy tactical thinking, and brilliant execution by a 19yr old athlete in the sport’s most demanding crucible.

Begin the hailstorm of controversy.

Once the poop began to hit the overhead oscillating device, Hindes backed away from his first comments. Team GB officials suggested that Hindes merely used the wrong words, since German is his first and primary language. Really? That’s pretty flimsy…

Part of what adds to the stench of the whole affair is that earlier in the day, Team GB’s own women’s Olympic Sprint pairing of Victoria Pendleton and Jess Varnish were eliminated on a tiny violation in their earlier ride against the Australians- for exchanging riders too soon. Then, in the final gold medal ride, the Chinese pair were disqualified for the same minor infraction. Neither pairing intentionally made the too soon exchange, yet both were penalized. China was awarded the silver medal, after beating the Germans… but the Germans were given the gold and the Team GB women left empty handed.

The problem is, and there is a lot of discussion about this now, the rules do not have an issue with Hindes intentionally crashing- it’s not written into the rules that you can’t crash on purpose. Seems a little pedantic to require such a distinction, but that’s how rules work… sometimes.

Whereas my friend DL Byron sees Hindes actions as “dissing” the Olympics and the sport of track cycling, I see it more as a blatant example of a double standard being applied to the rules. As distasteful as I think Hindes’ actions are, I find it even more unsavory that the host nation gets away with violating the same “spirit of competition” that the badminton players did. The message appears to be, if you’re a woman- especially an Asian woman- the rules will be applied more strictly against you. Yes, I know that’s an absurd leap of logic, but I’m the one writing this and I’m allowed hyperbole!

Here’s the point; apply the rules evenly. Every time. Not just when it is convenient to do so, or convenient NOT to. I understand the tactic employed by both the badminton players and by Hindes… I “get it”. Though much less distasteful, it’s not that different than a swimmer/ runner pulling up just before the finish of an early round race to save energy for the next rounds. Athletes- good ones- know when to save energy and when to spend it. And apparently, they know how to get away with using the rules to their advantage…

Is it “fair” or in the “Olympic spirit”? Not one little bit… but it’s within the existing rules. Congratulations to Team GB on their impressive world record ride. But, for the love of God and all things “fair”, let’s put an asterisk in the record books next to their achievements. It’s the right thing to do…

Tim

Lily decided she was going to school again today- she even...

onlygotasecond — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 10:10:51 -0700

Lily decided she was going to school again today- she even opened the front door on her own for the very first time to head down the stairs… guess we’ll be locking the deadbolt ALL THE TIME now.

Daddy isn’t ready for all these changes from his girls. This is turning into a really big summer.

And now the punkin is asleep in Daddy’s lap.

onlygotasecond — Sat, 28 Jul 2012 23:18:39 -0700

And now the punkin is asleep in Daddy’s lap.